musician jokes

[gck]

I just wonder if anyone knows some (good) musician jokes.

Of the few I know, most lose their point when you translate them to English, but I'll give it a try anyways!

1) What's the Lord's most favorite chord?
- G sus

2) What do you get when you drop a grand concert piano down a gold mine?
- A flat minor.

3) And what do you get when you throw the piano on an army base?
- A flat major.

4) How do you spot a trombonist's child on the playground?
- It doesn't know how to use the slide and it can't swing.

5) What does a blues player's tombstone read?
- Well, I didn't wake up this morning...

6) How many groupies does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Don't try it, she'll blow the fuse.

7) Child to mother: "When I grow up I want to be a drummer". Mother to child: "You have to the decide, you can't have both".

8) A guy goes to the music store and asks the salesman: "Hi, I want a Marshall Hiwatt AC30 and a Gibson Stratoblaster with a Fried Nose Tremolo, please!" - Salesman: "You are a drummer, aren't you?"

9) What's this: It has 200 legs and 4 teeth?
- The first row in the Mississippi Bluegrass Festival.

10) (This one is especially bad): A tuning fork goes to the doctor. The doctor asks "Could you please say Aaaah". Tuning fork: "No problem!"

Hehe, maybe you like some of these, but maybe you some more to add!

[Jools]

I noticed the most common guitarist jokes are guitarists making fun of bassists. I remember one.

A father buys his son a bass guitar for christmas. The kid is happy, he immediately starts going to private lessons.
After the first lesson the father asks his kid "Well, what did you learn today?" ... kid replies "I learned all the notes on the E string".
After the second lesson the father asks the same thing and the kid replies "I learned all the notes on the A string".
Same thing happens after the third lesson and the kid replies "Well, I learned all the notes on the D string."
So after the fourth lesson when the child comes home, his father asks "So what did you learn this lesson???" and the child replies "OH gee dad, I couldn't make it to the lesson, I had a gig"...

Hmmm, I never was good at telling jokes...

[BloodXero]

i always thought the most musician jokes were about drummers. ... i dont have ne.

[Nick]

My favourite one is:

How do you stop a guitarist from playing?

Put a sheet of music in front of him!

[smfulla]

I have a couple of drummer jokes that crack me up every time.

1) What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
homeless!

2) Why did the drummer join the band?
To hangout with musicians

3) Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in the car?
It took 2 hours to get the drummer out

some crap guitarist jokes I've heard

Whats the guitarists favorite string?
The G string

What does it mean when a guitarist is drooling out both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.

[BloodXero]

lol smfulla, those drummer jokes are pretty good.

[gck]

I know some more bassist jokes.


1) What's the difference between a bassist and a bag of dirt?
- The bag.

2) How do you improve a bassist's playing?
- By tuning his strings.

3) A band's playing about their millionth club gig when they suddenly spot that EMI talent scout waving at them.

The guitarist thinks: "YEAH, after that song he'll offer us a record deal, finally! Wow, all the money, the first thing I'll get will be that '59 Les Paul... and all the girls!!"

The vocalist thinks: "Finally, a record deal. I'll be able to split from this sucker band and do my own thing.. and lots of money and lots of girls..."

The drummer thinks: "Wow, a record deal... money money money, girls, girls, girls!"

The bassist thinks: "E, E, E, E, A, A, A..."

4) The bassist and the guitarst are fighting backstage, when the vocalist comes to end the fight: "Hey, why are you guys beating each other?". Bassist: "He detuned one of my strings and the gig will start in 5 minutes!" Vocalist: "Yeah, and what's the problem?". Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

[exile00au]

whats the difference between a banjo and a trampoline???
one u got to take ur shoes of

my fav joke hehe

[13noon]

what do you say to a drummer in a suit?
will the defendant please rise?

how do you get a drummer off your porch?
you pay for the pizza.

[SixStringMadman]

What do you call someone who goes from gig to gig to hang out with musicians?

a Drummer

this one is mean:

What can you barely hear, thinks its job is the greatest ever, dances around like it is jamming to songs in its head and is best left behind a tower of speakers?

your Bassist


SSM

[gck]

hehe. your bassist joke is pretty good!

- How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
- Just one. But the guitarist has to show him first.

- What do you say to a bassist with a tie?
- One big mac, please!

- What are a bassist's last words before he get thrown out of the band?
- Hey, I've written a song...

A guitarist has a horrible car accident and looses 3/4 of his brain. After two weeks of coma, he suddenly wakes up. The Doctor asks: "Sir, are you ok?" - "Yeah, but where are my drumsticks..."

- What do you call a bassist with an IQ of 30?
- Talented.

A guy comes into a bar. "Hey, I know a good bassist joke!", he yells. The bartender glares at him and says: "Look, I am a bassist. And do you see that big guy back there, with the baseball bat, he's my brother, and he's also a bassist. And do you see that guy back there, with the knife, he's my other brother and also plays bass. Are you still sure you want to tell us your bassist joke?"
The guy looks insecure, then says: "Naw, I don't want to explain everything twice!"

"Hey, what does snycopation mean?" the bassist asks. The guitarists replies: "The way you play beat 1".

And finally, a Strat joke! By the way, I own a strat myself and love it!

- What's the difference between a banjo and a strat?
- The banjo has more sustain.

[fizz]

the jokes i know are the same as whats already been said, just with minor changes to them. ie - what do you say to a guitarist with hat on. big mac please.
and theyre all really bad as well!!

[Josh Redstone]

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? 10. One to do it and 9 to say they could do it better.

I got another one.

A drummer, guitarist and a bass player are jamming and cant come up with any ideas. They are completely fed up. They break for lunch.
'Aw, man, tuna sandwich again, if I get one more of these lousey sandwitches I'm gonna jump out the window!' said the guitar player. 'Yeah.' said the bass player. 'Me too.' said the drummer.
They next rehearsal they all open their lunch to find tuna sandwitches. All three jump out the window.
Some time later, their wifes discover the tragity. 'Oh, I should've made him a better lunch.' said the guitar player's wife, sobbing. 'I know, I know, me too.' said the bass players wife, crying so hard she could'nt breathe. 'Dumb bastard made his own sandwitch.' said the drummers wife.

[13noon]

I was kinda picking on drummers earlier (what can I say, I play bass & guitar) so here's a drummer joke that's a little more favorable...

A conductor is leading a large jazz ensemble, and one of the drummers is playing horribly. All his rhythms are off the beat and he keeps speeding up. Finally the conductor gets fed up. He screams, "I swear, when a musician is too dumb to play an instrument, they give him two sticks and make him a drummer!!" The drummer replies, "And if he's too dumb for that, they take away one stick and make him a conductor."

[55'gibby]

how many lead guitarist does it take to put in a light bulb?

one... he just hang onto the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.

sorry... I know that ones bad

[Fractal]

A man walks thru a jungle with a native guide, after a while they start to hear drums in the distance. He asked the guide the drums were a bad sign. "No, drums good." he replied.
After hours of wandering thru the jungle, the drums suddnley stoped, and the guide quickley kneeled down and coverd his ears.
"Hey what's going on? What's going to happen now?" the man shouted, ripping the guide's hands from his ears... He then guide screamed... "Bass solo!"

[BloodXero]

HAHAHA ...

[Josh Redstone]

Msician jokes are funniest when they pick on bass players.

[Jedi_Outkast]

I enjoy the bass player jokes aswell even tho i play the bass.lolol. they're great

[Fractal]

Okae... heres two variations on the same joke...

Q: How many Bluesmen dose it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: Three, one to actually change it, and the other two to write and preform a song about how good the old lightbulb used to be.

A2: Several, one to hang onto the lightbulb, and the others to drink till the room starts spinning.

[Josh Redstone]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lightbulb.

[GuitarMonky55]

lets hear more bass jokes!

[gck]

I've heard two nice ones recently..

1) A bassist goes to the music shop and asks for a new "state-of-the-art" bass. The shopkeeper shows him a nice 5-string bass, then leaves to help a customer and to have the bassist try the instrument out on his own...
After half an hour there's no more sound coming from the bass amps and the shopkeeper begins to wonder what happened to that bassist!
When he approaches the bassist he is shocked to see him lying on the floor, his face in a dark shade of violet and his neck choked between the 4th and 5th string of the bass.
"Hey, what's the matter with you?" the shopkeeper asks. Bassist (coughing): "Oh well, it's a great bass but I think the strap is way too tight..."

2) After having surived a plane crash Eric Clapton and Britney Spears walk through the jungle. Suddenly lots of cannibals capture them and bring them to their village. "We are going to eat you this evening", says the village chief, "but before that both of you have one last wish, that's a tradition here...".
Clapton, being the gentleman, lets Britney Spears have her wish first: "I want to sing all of my songs again, like "Crazy" and "Hit me Baby...", all the way through!"
The chief nods and asks Clapton: "Now, what is your wish then?"
Clapton thinks for a moment, then replies in a begging voice: "Could you please eat me before that?"

HAHAHA

[Josh Redstone]

Those both rule. Ha ha ha. I'll remember the bass one especially.

[GuitarMonky55]

haha that bass one is awesome........ill hafta tease some of my friends with that one

[Josh Redstone]

I gotta tell my bass playin buddies those ones. He he he.